An Oasis in the desert

I will make rivers flow among barren hills and springs of water run in the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water and the dry land into flowing springs. Isaiah 41:18

Come unto me all who are thirsty and I will give you a drink.  

Rudy and I were deeply moved and touched by this little park on our drive one day. This park was full of plagues encouraging people just like Rudy and I. Cancer can be beaten , cancer does have survivors. As I reflect again on how fragile life is Rudy is off biking, training for the ride to conquer cancer. Can I share what it means to be a survivor, when many are not? At times it's unreal. Did we both really survive? Will it come back? My heart sometimes so overwhelmed when I hear of others struggling with cancer. And sometimes my heart just begs for mercy for those that I know are suffering with this disease right now. And sometimes my heart is overwhelmed with sadness of those that didn't survive. And at other times my heart is so grateful to be offered another chance at life. Another day to see the sunshine and the rain. Another day to hold close and tight the ones I love. Another day to make a difference in someone Else's life. Different seasons in my life a mixture of joy and sorrow. A chance to live breathe and let God do the healing. And can I say I am very excited to see my family and friends making a difference for cancer. Rudy, my son Mattias and his friend Andrew and my son Daniel, my brother in law Harold, my good friend Bert all participating in the ride to conquer cancer. Why? Because we are walking this journey together. And that is the only way to do life. Together.

Sunday Morning Palm Springs Thoughts

Sunday morning and Rudy and I decided to head to church. Out came our trusty laptop and the search was on. We ended up at Living Water Church of the Desert. A perfect title for the heart that was searching. We entered the air conditioned warehouse and sat with about 60 other people. Mostly in various stags of grayhood. There was a cute little lady with bright purple pants , matching bright orange jewellery shirt and jacket, and topped off her head with a rhinestone bright orange cap. Her husband beside her in his matching Hawaii shirt. Her continual waving of her hand reminded me of the street vendor's outside holding signs rotating with messages eat here. The worship leader tried to get the crowd engaged in I've got the Joy, joy , joy, where? Down in my heart. She tried in desperation to get audience participation. I sing joy...you repeat..it's really easy. Apparently only easy to her...someone else murmured they were slow learners. I chuckled since I couldn't sing..still got that dang cough...sore throat,achy muscles I'm never going to get well look. It's kinda been working for me because Rudy has been so attentive to my needs...maybe I need to tell him I'm still really sick. Hmmm. Anyhow then the worship leader mentioned her brother that died and was part of a church bikers for Jesus. And he died in a motorcycle accident, and on one of his last rides he got into a discussion with another Christian and to silence the other christian he said you have two choices in life you gotta face Jesus now or later the choice is yours. How does this all fit together? Maybe you are seeing the service the way we did? Anyways then the worship leader lead us in strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord. Strength , what? Maybe it was still the flu, maybe it was the Holy Spirit because this baby's eyes were flowing. Strength...yup that's what I need. And I thought of the song they that wait upon the Lord shall renew there strength they shall mount up with wings as eagles.  Only I hadn't seen any eagles  just tiny hummingbird's and my ah ha moment opened up. Maybe my strength is in the small things. Like the opportunity to visit Disneyland with my kids and grand kids. And although some of us are not well, that's okay. And even though life is bitter sweet that's okay too. I shall mount up with wings as Hummimgbirds...well I think you get the drift. The rest of the service was kinda surreal. The preacher sounded like the mad scientist from the Incredibles and every two seconds he demanded an amen and hallelujah, which is okay if you agree with what he says. Anyhow his glasses fell up and down on his face like a bouncing ball and I'm glad I'm not in Babylon for some reason. Do I hear an amen?

35 Years , Better together

Our Youth Pastors Mr & Mrs Baerg , Our Mentors

Rudy and I so in love

 

He used to sing this song to be but would insert only 15 , only 15 because that's the age I was when he asked me to go steady with him.

The youth gang from Vancouver MB Church

He was my Andy Gibb

Together we feel in love

My Support group

I was his Olivia Newton John

Fun times at Columbia Bible Camp

My High School Graduation

Friends celebrating together

He never had much money , but was creative in showing his love for me.

High School Locker notes for me.

 

My Cutie.

Friday May 10 , 2013 -35 years together baby. My how time flies by. Can I say I'm more in love now than I ever was? Can I say for better or for worse you've been there for me. Can I say the heart that skipped a beat so many years ago is still skipping? 42,075,904 average beats per year (give or take a few million) times 35 years 14726556640 beats on average minus half of that 736328320 for the times I looked into your eyes and skipped a beat(give or take a few million).

 

Today morning we celebrated. No make up , no fancy clothes. Housecoats and two mate guapas. The sun and our backyard. I was still coughing up Flem. And you pulled out your phone" Sincerely ", and we danced. Cheek to cheek. All walls down between us. And we reminisced and we remembered our youth and we didn't mourn it at all. And that's what our love is, no cover ups ,come as you are anytime and dance and be loved.

Mother's Day 2013-You Are Loved

My Mom and me

My mom as a mom

My first house in Vancouver my mom and dad and sisters and my Tante Freida and Uncle Peter and their kids

My trip to Paraguay with my mom. The three sisters, My Mom , Tante Toni, Tante Gredel

My mom in a chic hat. I'm facing the wrong way .

My Dad gets remarried after my mother passed away.

Me and my sisters.

My new mom and dad and me in Brazil.

My kids at West Edmonton Mall.

My daughter and I on a Baltic Cruise

 Me and granddaughter number one.

Granddaughter number two.

 

YOU ARE LOVED.

 

For the last few months this message has followed me. Every Church I have visited has used this as an attention stopper, grabber just for me. I've been preparing for Mother's Day this year. I started to think about it long before it came around. Most years Mothers Day comes and goes and leaves behind a tornado of feelings I just can't handle. While having been the recipient of two Mothers that have died and gone to heaven I should appreciate this day. Instead emotions that I shove down and hide in a hole get dug up with might and gusto .And my expectations of what my day should look like plummet into the abyss of self pity. Guilt plagues me and pushes me to tears and nobody seems to be able to help me. Enter 2013 , I've seen a councillor every week for 3 months straight. Slowly my heart has been peeled opened and the puzzle inside has been revealed. And slowly God who has seen the big picture all along is putting the pieces of my heart back together again. And I've discovered that I am loved. That I was a good daughter . That I am a good Mother. That I am a good wife. That I am a good grandmother. And the lies that have been entrenched into my mind , are just that lies. And that my relationship with other people is not based on what I do for them . And I will never measure up to what some people expect me to be. And its all good. I am loved. Do you know that you are loved to? Yes , really you are.