One Thousand Gifts

Seems like this book was written just for me.
"My own wild desire to protect my joy at all costs is the exact force that kills my joy. Flames need oxygen to light. Flames need a bit of wind. Broken glass ignites in light and there it is, the secret of joy's flame: Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control....let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind ,His trails, oxygen for joy's fire. Leave the hand open and let it be. Be at peace, bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper surprised thanks. This is the fuel for joy's flame. I can let go. Eucharisteo makes the vantage point of a life and I bend the body, it says it quiet:"Thy will be done". This is the way  body and mouth say thank you: Thy will be done. This is the way the self dies, falls into the arms of love. This is why. This is why the fight for joy is always so hard. "Ann Voskamp
Thankful for;
Sunshine
The Cross
Faith of my Dad
Forgiving spouses
Faithful Children
Searching for joy
Flowers
Robins

Mennonite Girls Can Eat Humble Pie

You know I thought I had the best of intentions. It's Tuesday and time for my self management pain class. My two class mates were ex. Winnipeger's. On top of all the pain they've had to deal with in their lives they miss home. They miss people caring, their small community...kinda like the show Cheer's -where everyone knows your name. "You know Westerner's they are so unfriendly, nobody cares, nobody wants to help you and the only thing they do care about is their dog. " Well I should have seen the red flags accoming. Yup I'm proud of this West, proud to live here and able to pounce into a hearty rendition of "Oh Canada"at the drop of a hat. So my will took over my heart and I thought I'd show these lovely ladies that us westerners really are hospitable and we really do feel a sense of community towards each other. I got my mixer going in the wee hours of the morning, and made a batch of homemade Easter Bread (Paska) and filled up a pretty good treat bag if I do say so myself and headed out the door to change he world one Winnipeger at a time. I swung my hips into my regular table at Jimmy Pattison and awaited to delight my ever surprised companions . They never showed. I heard a slight grumbling from the back of the classroom that turned into accusations  of bribing my teachers with goodies. You know to get preferential treatment....adult version of teachers pet hopped into my mind and I was mortified. And being the honest person I was I admitted the goodies at my desk were for the two Winnipeger's that normally sit next to me but said that  Westerners weren't friendly, so I was trying to change that by bringing them something special. Golly you must be able to see the red glow still emanating from my face. There was silence in the room until   a fellow in the back piped up that he was from Winnipeg too, so I offered him the one basket, and I asked if anyone else was from Winnipeg.?..no, no...stupid me. By this time I had both of my feet in my mouth, and my mouth was getting very dry. And then the teacher piped up, what about me ? I'm from England, so I give him the other basket...just stop the bleeding okay! I made it through the next hour of class, relatively still intact. After our break both of our teachers approached me and asked if I would hand out the Easter Bread and goodies to the whole class. So there I sat, red faced , carving the Easter Bread (Paska) no longer out of the goodness of my heart , but from underneath the table that I so longed to belong to. Moral of the story, a)well layed out plans aren't always Gods plans b)If you know me at all I like to be unnoticed in a room of strangers c) humble pie doesn't taste that good and I eat just about anything d)I'm hoping Winnipeger's won't hate me.
Thankful for;
Paska it really was delicious
New days to start over
New life to start over
Easter chocolate's

Palm Sunday

The challenge was put out. I accept Jesus as my Saviour but do I accept Him as my King? What? Rewind back 4 days. I was sitting in my doctor's office waiting for my new MRI results. My ankle that's still giving me trouble, is still camping out at the end of my foot. My scar tissue that was suppose to heal the ligament...well it decided to mind it's own business and stay torn. Silence in the Doctors office. What to say? What to do? Again no answers. I'm still waiting for that specialised physio therapy that's going to help my CRPS and get my ankle foot back to some normalcy.? I've enrolled In the Jimmy Pattison self help pain clinic...because they said it would be good for me. I'm sandwiched between two deaf people, one blind, two fibromyalgia. People that have lost there job, husband and house.And one party animal mourning the loss of being able to party. So here we sit once a week for three hours, learning breathing techniques and that pain is not just in our heads ..it's for real. I sit because I was promised that I would eventually see a physio therapist who could help me rehabilitate my ankle. To the average person everything looks fine. Compared to others my problem is a cake walk. Neverthelessmyanklesuck's.  There I said. And if God is King of my life He is in control of my ankle. He is in control of every little detail of my life...if I let Him. Believing in Jesus means placing the full weight of my life into His hands.And whatever you do in word or deed , do all in the name of the Lord Jesus , giving thanks through Him to God the Father. Colssians 3:17.

Never untouched

Sunday morning and a call for the Elders to step forward and pray for someone dealing with cancer tumours again. He's been healed once before God can do it again. Why the pit in the bowels of my stomach. In the prayer room ,anointing oil ,prayer for deliverance Holy ground. Should I even be here? My thoughts swirl about. Am I even worthy to ask for such a deliverance. I've been here before. I've seen sad outcomes. Do I know if Gods going to heal this man? Can I hold his children to my bosom and promise them no pain? Dare I speak and want to know the will of God? Moving on to Sunday mornings service. Pastor Matthew daring us with this challenge. "God, my life is not my own. My life belongs to you. Should I walk through a valley where pain makes no sense to me, where I feel abandoned , may I lift up a cry of praise. Not because I get it. But rather because you can make your Kingdom grow through all this suffering. Fill my heart with love for you and the world, and may this suffering not be in vain. But may it be used for your glory" And I am humbled by the suffering of Jesus on the cross on my behalf. My awakening to joy awakens my pain.. Joy and pain are two arteries of one heart that pumps through all those who don't numb themselves to really living. Someone said to me have no expectations, no disappointments, right? Wrong. Only the Word of God is the answer to rightly reading the world, because the Word has nail-scarred hands that cup our face close, wipe the tears running down, has eyes that look deep into our brimming ache, and whisper, I know.

Everyday

To you it's an ordinary day. To me it's a day of answered prayer. A generation seeped in the love of God. A day in the life of me and my grand children. A day I will never have again, and a day to count my blessing's. When I was a child I mourned the death of my mom and all the future firsts that we would never experience together. When I had my first child I struggled through the raising of my children without a mentor. When I layed to rest my sister's I mourned the firsts that they never would experience. A circle of life not by my choosing but someone greater than I. Someone who walked me through my past and stands by me in the present, and holds my hand in the future. Everyday is  gift, a chance to make a difference in someone Else's life. A day of firsts.

Thank for:1.The way to grandma's house is very short. 2.I am loved by my grand children. 3. The prayer's of those gone before me.

Time

The busyness of life leaves little time for the source of your life. God gives us time . And who has time for God? Hurry always empties a soul. I only live the life when I live fully in the moment. I am a hunter of beauty and I move slow and keep my eyes wide, every fibre of every muscle sensing all wonder and this the thrill of the hunt and I could be an expert on life full, the beauty meat that lurks in every moment . I hunger to taste life. Why is eucharisteo the answer to the time starved and soul famished?  "Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks,....John 6:11.Give thanks. Eucharisteo always, always precedes the miracle. Give thanks, slow down. the real problem of life -in my life-is lack of thanksgiving. Thoughts taken from the book -one thousand gifts.
In my longing to walk deeper with God I scoured our church library for a book that might challenge these old bones in some way. And God always patiently waiting at the side lines to direct my path made it impossible for me to side step His timing. I have kept far to busy running from pain to tackling the joy of living. My eyes falling short of God's grace just waiting to unfold in my life. Oh pain is very real in my life, I need a miracle. Jesus took one loaf and gave thanks. One step , one day at a time, a conscience effort to give thanks. I search for my Eucharisteo.
Thankful for;
1.I can drive again, yipee!
2. I am dry from the rain

3. God will answer my prayers

Restoring Joy

He had me pegged across the pool deck. I was minding my own business. My holiday was only 4 days. I needed rest. Our bading suits on, lotion applied books to our eyes. Do not disturb until I'm done relaxing..or so I thought. His hair was grey, teeth applied smile infectious. His body no longer fit and trim. My brothers were in World War 2. I was in college , got myself two degrees. I found my book slipping to the pool deck. a big sigh escaped my lips. Where are you from? Figures he was from Calgary. Whats with us Canadians who are always so darned friendly , anyways? I mean 80 degree temperatures, palm trees and nothing to do could make anybody happy. Still...didn't matter if I escaped for a swim or picked up my book  that infectious smile followed me. Full of friendly chit , chat he was. And I just having to layed to rest another precious grey haired soul found myself drawn to listen. Les was his name. He had travelled the world, spoke three languages. He was happily married and well taken care of by his wife. She was playing bridge. And it dawned on me I was made for such a time as this. My plans focused on myself, His plans to bring joy to someone in need. And since I had been seeking to restore joy to my life I was being nudged to comply.
"Joy is the realist reality, the fullest life, and joy is always given, never grasped. God gives gifts and I give thanks and I unwrap the gift given:joy .Something always comes to fill the empty places. And when I give thanks for the smallest of things, I make a place for God to grow within me."

Ann Voskamp