Monday Thoughts

Found myself dealing with thoughts of old. Sitting in the BC Cancer clinic waiting for an appointment for Mattias. How many countless hours and forms has this disease requested of my family? I found myself between hysterics and overwhelming nausea. The word cancer just does that to me. Perhaps other words, infertility , Alzheimer's, losing a child evokes those emotions in you?Cancer does it for me. I caught myself reading all the same brochures, cancer for survivors, living with cancer support groups, etc. But really nothing prepares me for this journey called life, no matter how many times I experience it. We saw the specialist, Orthopaedic surgeon , he deals with malignant and benign tumours, from the xrays it looks benign. We then head to VGH for a biopsy . As I'm mulling over thoughts that should not be there and waiting for Mattias procedure to be over. Code blue is called , in unit 4 ground floor. Again my heart stops and I search. Haven't heard from Mattias in over one hour. Doctors whizz by me , nurses follow suite. Mattias is in unit 4, ground floor. I frantically race around looking for some clue of my baby boy. This can't be happening. A nurse tracks me down, don't worry its not your son that's in trouble. I breathe again, really how much more can I handle. After another half hour I am called into recovery. Code blue man with his throat cut open is being kept alive by someones magical hands pumping air into his lungs. He looks awful, isn't moving and is surrounded by 8 doctors and nurses. I selfishly motion for a nurse to close the curtain to separate me and Mattias from this site. I was swooning and the floor was going to become my new home. And I wondered what was in store for his family. And I know it was gonna be tough. We were told that the cyst was looking like it was benign we will know in a week for sure. And I had to think about why death or the thought of death is so hard, when I know the place that I am going is much better than here. And I didn't have an answer. My dad said before he died that man is born to fight, to want to stay alive. Yes that we are dad, that we are.
 And thank you for those that were holding our family up in prayer. I couldn't do this alone.

Touched in the Right Spot

I haven't blogged for awhile. It's not been out of my mind just had so many other things on my mind.
Just got back from vacation yesterday. You know that bitter sweet feeling...love to be on vacation/love to be home. Got some rest, back to everyday stress. Made it home in good time ,unpacked , kissed the grand kids but no groceries in the house. So off to whitespot for dinner even though staying home sounded allot more relaxing. So the Spot was empty and we ,the three of us had a table in the corner to ourselves. No stress ,lost in our own thoughts , devacationizing...or so I thought. Along comes a single lady, hobbling with a cane, with thick glasses but the hugest smile. It will just be me today , Dads in the hospital she exclaims to the waitress. The waitress looked relieved as she then spent the rest of the evening of attention on me. And though my thoughts were already full, and not entirely kind hearted, we bantered about her life. Starting back to her first bird that she had when she was 2 years old. Did you know that male cockatoos talk but females don't? Throughout her conversation she missed her 83 year old Dad, in the hospital with pneumonia. Maybe that was why she caught my attention. She missed her Dad and so do I. Maybe it was compassion on my part. And before she left she ordered a personal blueberry pie for her Dad. That was his favourite , convinced that this would restore his appetite.You have a lump in your throat yet? I still do, it's kinda hard to swallow. We tacked her bill on to ours and wished her a good visit. I miss my Dad, yup I think you never outgrow that. Maybe I didn't make a difference in her life, but she sure made one in mine

John & Leigh-Ann

I Love weddings. Somebody asked me why? Why do you love weddings? I love the excitement I see. The look of young love. All the preparations that go into making the day special. I love seeing family support and all the little details that make this day unique for the couple getting married. I love the sermon that always challenges me to be a better wife, marriage partner. I always learn something valuable something new. But most of all I love the vows. The vows of love and commitment. Today's vows were so raw and honest I couldn't help but be encouraged by them. To have gone through tough times before and be willing to make yourself open and honest before each other, God and witnesses takes courage. To trust your heart to each other takes courage. And to be awakened to want to live the adventure of life together side by side blesses my socks off. They sealed their wedding symbolically , not just with rings but with a cord of strands that they wound together. Ecclesiastes 4:9 &12"Two are better than one ,because they have a good return for their labour. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. Though one my be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken". And on the back of their program -thanks for coming and supporting us today. Please continue to support us even after today. Indeed , a cord of three strands is not quickly broken, but a cord of 157 strands is pretty dang strong.