Never untouched

Sunday morning and a call for the Elders to step forward and pray for someone dealing with cancer tumours again. He's been healed once before God can do it again. Why the pit in the bowels of my stomach. In the prayer room ,anointing oil ,prayer for deliverance Holy ground. Should I even be here? My thoughts swirl about. Am I even worthy to ask for such a deliverance. I've been here before. I've seen sad outcomes. Do I know if Gods going to heal this man? Can I hold his children to my bosom and promise them no pain? Dare I speak and want to know the will of God? Moving on to Sunday mornings service. Pastor Matthew daring us with this challenge. "God, my life is not my own. My life belongs to you. Should I walk through a valley where pain makes no sense to me, where I feel abandoned , may I lift up a cry of praise. Not because I get it. But rather because you can make your Kingdom grow through all this suffering. Fill my heart with love for you and the world, and may this suffering not be in vain. But may it be used for your glory" And I am humbled by the suffering of Jesus on the cross on my behalf. My awakening to joy awakens my pain.. Joy and pain are two arteries of one heart that pumps through all those who don't numb themselves to really living. Someone said to me have no expectations, no disappointments, right? Wrong. Only the Word of God is the answer to rightly reading the world, because the Word has nail-scarred hands that cup our face close, wipe the tears running down, has eyes that look deep into our brimming ache, and whisper, I know.